Cause and Effect

Cause and Effect

The Cause:

Mark and I were so close. He was my first. Then one day a skinny model bitch comes along and ruins everything!!

The Effect:

It was the day after Thanksgiving break. School was to be forgotten for four days (not including the weekend). Mark called me and said we should take a break. So I cried and cried. Not eating, not sleeping for at least 3 hours. Until my mother said that I needed to pack for Grandma’s house. My family always went to Grandma’s house for Thanksgiving. It was a normal tradition. My extended family was very overweight and some not so. But I was the only member of the family that was thin. I was very athletic so being thin was a no-option type thing. So when Mark broke up with me, and when we went to Thanksgiving the no-option thing was suddenly, well, optional.

Arriving at Grandma’s house the family immediately greeted us, and we sat down at the large and overstuffed table. It was so beautiful. First, they passed around about 3 turkeys and then mashed potatoes and stuffing… the time we had stopped passing around food my plate was full and overflowing. I began eating hungrily. Mixing everything up, by the time I had finished 3 plates my tummy had a small yet present bulge. I patted it and lifted myself somewhat reluctantly from the table into my old playroom where Grandma still stored clothes to change into. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants that felt comfy. And went back into the dining area for desert. Apple pies, cobbler, and fudge and chocolate chip cookies were advertised. I grabbed a piece of each, coming back for 2nds, piling more on. It became a contest, with my cousin and I seeing who can eat more. I won. He gave up and went upstairs to go to sleep. I went into the kitchen after everything had died down and saw the leftovers. I got more turkey smothered in gravy. Then I went over to the desserts and ate a leftover apple pie and then I ate another pie for the hell of it. After I was down with this eating feast. I went upstairs and fell into a dreamy sleep filled with pastries.

The next morning everyone was ready for another round, this time with breakfast. I went down and ate and ate, thinking of Mark the whole time. I felt better after pancakes (my fave). I went into the living room with a plate of fudge and watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade that they had recorded, since yesterday was the big football game and the men outvoted the women this year. After I finished my plate and I went into the kitchen and took the jug of whole milk and drank it, I grabbed about 5 cookies and another full and overflowing plate of dripping and luscious fudge and went to my private playroom and ate and ate, all the while crying about the slut Mark whom I still was emotionally attached to. Lunch was called and I ate more than anybody.

After we made the journey back home I still ate a lot. When school started again I stuck to myself, eating between classes whenever I saw Mark and the whore walking down the hallway in each other’s embrace. I hadn’t stepped on a scale in months; when I finally did, I saw that I had gone from 110 to about 145. It was quite a jump.

Then Christmas came along. “It’s A Wonderful Life” came on and I spent my days on the Lazy Boy with Pepsi and whole milk with plenty of fudge and Oreos and doughnuts. My mother noticed how big I had become and fed me more, all the while making up shit about Mark and the unpaid-whore-that-should-be-eating-on- welfare-slutbag-sonofabitch so I would feel bad. It worked. Now, when I weighed in, I weighed 178 then it jumped to 190 and by the time I was in my first year of college I was a still blooming 239 POUNDS!!!!

The Fattermath, I Mean, Aftermath:

I became obese and married a man who fed me all the time. By the time I was at my first job I was a non-stop eater and weighed in at about 301. I was happy and so was he. Looks like I found my real first love now.

Peace&love&jellied doughnuts with luscious cream filling and then glazed…. Damn, I’m hungry!!